meaning.

oh hey, it's me. the author of this blog. do you remember? i wouldn't blame you if you forgot.

finding the time to write is just about the hardest thing to do these days. i want it to be easy. oh, please be easy. i'll get there, i promise. it dawned on me this past week that writing down anything in this space gives my life meaning. so, i miss it. i miss finding the meaning of why i'm here. why i show up every day.

so here i am. selfishly writing to you to find some meaning. this weekend was a good one. can i tell you my favorite things?

i got my hair back to it's much preferred shade of blonde.
i caught up on the phone and facetime with so many loves {so many!} and it felt so good.
i found out that two of my favorite people {after eight lovely years} got engaged. yay!
i saw some people i've been wanting to see.
i slept on fresh new sheets.
i walked central park with an old friend, and then kept walking the long looooong way home.
i stopped into the new york public library.
i got a library card.
i checked out a dvd {new york, i love you if you were wondering}.
i sat in bryant park.
i drank fresh squeezed juice {mostly ginger, carrot, apple, and kale. again, if you happened to be wondering}.
i bought a much needed gym bag and, more importantly, it was my first lululemon purchase in over two years {now that's willpower!}.
i discovered a raw, vegan, gluten-free, organic hole-in-the-wall café a mere two blocks from my pad {like the perfect combination of natural cafe and the plant. and if you know me well enough you'll know it doesn't get much better than that}.
i also discovered a place for high tea... steps from my apartment {another hidden gem in the neighborhood}.
i did a candlelight yoga class.
i made quinoa.

and that, my friends, is my meaning.

so, find the little things that give your life meaning. and remember them, for all that they are worth.

ps. some ny public library photos

meg ryan moments.

i found myself in a food emporium in the middle of korea town late one thursday night upon moving to new york. it was valentine's day and i was there purely for the frozen yogurt. because of all days to treat yourself, valentine's day is the one. extra rainbow sprinkles, please.

i strangely felt very in my element, even in this anonymous state. just hours before, i'd fit in my very first post-work yoga class, popped in for an essie-head-over-heels-red-manicure, grabbed a salad at my favorite vegetarian place, and had a long walk home gabbing with some west coast lovers. and then there i was, all by myself, soaking in this strange scene at the food court. the girl next to me slurped the biggest bowl of soup i've ever seen. the elderly man at the table across the way held his newspaper mere centimeters from his face struggling to make out the text. the couple to my right decided to eat dessert first as they scraped the bottom of their frozen yogurt container clean, and their mound of fried rice appeared.

it was completely and utterly random, and for some reason i was happy. there i was, not a soul in sight who had any idea who i was, nor i who they were. and i realized that's the crazy, beautiful thing about new york. you can be whoever you want. at anytime. on any day. anywhere. and before you know it you're asking yourself, how'd i get here again? so on this particular night i did the next best unpredictable thing i could think to do... have myself a meg ryan moment and head to the top of the empire state building. 

***

welcome to the empire state building said the man with a cheeky smile dressed from head to toe in an ancient shade of burgundyish red, hat and all. these uniformed gentlemen take their jobs very seriously as they usher tourists from one line to the next, in this elevator here, but don't touch any buttons, it's all automatic! i liked everything about these men. especially the one who said, now that's a valentine's day smile. 

so i stood there in my hot pink beanie amongst couples on their way home from a romantic date-night, and a few tourists, and i waited my turn. all the while replaying the end scene of sleepless in seattle in my head thinking, there is no way annie waited in this line, meandering through the ropes like a maze at disneyland. she pushed her way right to the top. oh, what scene would i cause to cut to the front of the line? i thought to myself. umm hello people! the love of my life is at the top! i have to get up there! i mean it was valentine's day after all. a girl can pretend.

turns out, it's really really cold at the top. i did a few laps. took a zillion pictures. didn't take the deep breathe i wanted to take staring off into the distance while soaking in the scene. but, i was still so grateful to be doing this thing i've been wanting to do my whole life all on my very own. it kind of symbolized my entire new york adventure. baby steps do lead to bravery. 

i can't help but relate the feeling to a line from one of my favorite weepies songs, can't go back now...

i can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else

but in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones that you take all by yourself

so, here's to taking steps all on our own.

as i made my way back down, i thought... you know what, new york is the best valentine i could possibly ask for this year. just me and you, babe.

bucket lists volume ii

happy twenty thirteen, loves.

somehow i've been busy with what i'm referring to as bucketlisting. the act of crossing things off one's bucket list. it's rather fun, and i truly can't believe it took me this long to write one. i am so grateful that the anticipation of moving has made me embrace life a little more fully. funny how when things become impermanent, venturesome spirits are born. see, turns out i am already learning oh-so-much and i'm not even in the big apple yet.

let's get down to business. where are we?

volume i.

adventures done and done:

a proper day in the wine country
hike the tennessee valley trail again {not on the original, but should have been}

dine about town done and done.

a cozy night at tony's pizza

speakeasy style at bourbon & branch

additions to the bucket list {volume ii}

row a boat in stow lake

sit by the fire at the bar at cavallo point

okay, i think that does it. if i can cross volume i and ii off i'll be one lucky girl. and, might i add, none of this would be possible without the amazing people i have in my life. to you, i am forever indebted. and i can't thank you enough for wanting to spend time and play.

big news.

so i'm moving to new york.

wait, what? excuse me?

yes, my sweets, it's true. i'm making the big jump to nyc. a move my scared-to-go-away-from-home younger self never thought i could do.

i think if you and i have been acquainted for a while now, this may come as absolutely no surprise to you. i began questioning my long-term relationship with san francisco a few months ago. see, there's nothing wrong with us. we're content. we're comfy. we get along great, san francisco and i. we get each other. but, i have this deeply inherent feeling that there's something else out there. somewhere else suited for who i am at this present moment. not a place that is necessarily better, just new and different and challenging. we all need a good challenging change every now and then, wouldn't you agree? especially when things get a bit stagnant.

california has always been my home… my one true love… everything i know. moraga is filled with blissful childhood memories, santa barbara is filled with the very first tastes of true independence, and san francisco is filled with a pretty darn beautiful coming of age story i've written here on it's all happening. a story of growth in which i would not re-write one.single.word.

twenty twelve quickly became the year of trying out new places to live. as i visited new york, san diego, austin, and london i went in with every intention of seeing if i could actually live there. could i crawl in and get comfy and stay a while? and, all i learned is that yes, i could in fact live here. i can find happiness anywhere.

so the story goes that in early august i got put onto an advisory board for the women's lifestyle team at aol. a relatively new team that is responsible for the success of five female-focused platforms {stylelist, kitchendaily, homesessive, makers {also here}, and stylemepretty - yes you heard that right. my favorite wedding blog!} under the aol umbrella and a team full of really rad women. and then the queen of rad in charge of this feat came to the san francisco office and my jaw hit the floor as i experienced this stuff live and i thought to myself, i need to be on this team immediately. these rad gals {and guys!}, see, they speak my language. as a blogger and consumer of thousands of blogs, i belong in this space. my brain is full to the brim with ideas that are going to make these platforms do great because they have oh-so-much potential.

so one thing leads to another and i learned how good people can be. like how inherently good people are. and how for some reason they've invested in me and my future and want to see me succeed. how did i ever get so lucky? the head of aol on the west coast is infamous for saying that we must all form our own personal board of directors. well somehow in my short year and a half at this company, i had more board members than i thought. more people advocating for me than i ever thought possible. so off i go to join this dream team of mine. a role that is completely in line with my passions and my strengths and exactly where i envisioned my career heading, but at the same time where i never thought it could possibly go.

so to conclude this long-winded story, i was running out of my apartment the other day and stopped dead in my tracks to read my crayon artwork goal sheet i have hanging on one of my many bulletin boards. well it turns out that the sun directly above my head reads "live in another city at some point - nyc, san diego, sb to pursue school or other career" my twenty two year old self, she knew what she wanted. and now my twenty seven year old self, she's finally believing that it can come true.

then i got to thinking about the power of the universe. you know how they say when you put it out there, it will come back to you. ask and you shall receive. if that's not living proof of trusting that the things we put out in the universe will come true, i don't know what is. and i'm not just talking about the little things, but the big things. the important things. like adventures and careers and falling in love and creating families. it can happen, it can all happen. put it out there in that universe. and give it everything you've got.

so, thanks for listening. many more thoughts on this BIG news to come. like things i'm afraid of and people i'm going to miss so much it pulls so so tight on my heartstrings. for now, though, i'm so thankful nyc gets to be apart of my story, and i can't wait to write to you.

*pics: nyc | sf

up up and away.

not long ago, june it was, a dear friend came to town. this dear friend is d. we went to dinner after not having seen each other for well over five years, but it was one of those reconnections where i felt like i saw him just yesterday. oh, i'm sure you know the kind. within seconds i was laughing and within minutes we were going down our lists of places to travel and brainstorming where on this globe we could rendezvous next.

i truly believe if it wasn't for d and our dinner date that i would have never been inspired to go abroad. d is a gem in every sense of the word. he is kind. actually, he is more than kind. what term is worthy enough to give to people who are sweet and patient and giving? those who ask true questions because they are genuinely interested in your answer. those who make you laugh when you need it most, who listen with a compassionate spirit, and who let you be your silly self. because at the end of the day these more than kind people are comfortable with who they are, okay with being vulnerable, and downright honest with facts of the matter.

see, d and i, we just fit. i'm not sure how or why or when, but we just do.

so i paid d a visit in edinburgh and he was gracious enough to let me stay with him so i could experience the oh-so-magical, scotland. there's a dew that hovers over the ground at dusk in the fall that reminds me of childhood winters. i never experienced snow, but that dewy frost, that's something that stuck with me. i found it comforting on our sunday evening stroll through edinburgh.

in three days i was able to have some quality solo time exploring, and grasp the city by walking as far as my legs {and sore hip!} would take me. this included the royal mile to edinburgh castle and up, up, and away to arthur's seat where the views were nothing short of breathtaking. have a look at my best recap of scotland.

hike up to arthur's seat {which i never really made it to, so i found my own}.

view of edinburgh from my makeshift seat.

hike back down looking up.

edinburgh castle from the street.

you better believe i tried some traditional scottish whiskey before our underground ghost tour!

and sat in a tiny coffee shop enjoying the morning light, book, and pot of tea {scone not pictured}.

i can't thank my host, d, enough. you truly are my glass half full.

until next time, g.

one lump or two?

i'm home sweet home after the most perfect trip i could possibly ask for. i feel so blessed to have been able to experience two cities that are absolutely magical in my opinion. i'm even luckier that i had two of the best hosts on the planet.

let's start with london, shall we?

i heart london. it's so easy. so walkable. such a seamless system of public transportation. oh that tube! genius. to be honest, i didn't plan a whole lot. i went with the expectation to not be too touristy, but to simply experience the city as if i lived there. and, well, that is exactly what we did!

you may have heard me mention one of my favorites, jamie, who took the exciting leap of moving to london in july. i think of her daily and i admire the brave step she took of living out one of her dreams to live in a foreign city. i've known jamie since i was able to sing and dance, which is really all my life. i consider her a sister, someone i look up to, and truly cherish. she's the kind of person that when you know you're one of her bests, that you matter. like really matter.

i was completely spoiled to basically have her all to myself as a personal tour guide for london and partner in crime for a whole week! oh walk we did. and talk. and laugh. and eat. and drink! and repeat every tube stop name {well, that was just me!} after the lady announced next stop, south kensington. next stop, goodge street. next stop, sloane square. oh i could do that all day.

i've decided that the best way to discover a new city is with one of your oldest, lifelong friends. you take a little bit of home with you wherever you go.

i could write you a novel of our adventures, but i'll let a few pictures speak for themselves and do my best to capture some of my favorite moments {there were just so many!}.

first off, i love the guards. they are so fascinating to me!

it wouldn't have been a proper trip to london without a stop at the queen's digs, buckingham palace, to see where william and kate had their smooch.

oh, benny...

harrods, you had me at hello.

there she is! it really is her great britain.

me, the whole trip: i love pounds! it's like fake money! {the only sane way to view the british pound}

mind the gap!

i heart you, notting hill.

and you too, primrose hill.

high tea {with a champagne appetizer} was a truly divine experience. i haven't giggled that hard in quite some time! one lump or two, darling? please notice the two men in the background. that is guy ritchie and the british {and extremely good looking might i add} actor, henry cavill {apparently he's the next superman!}. 

you guys, is it just me or does this look exactly like me? this poster was all over london promoting a new musical. the actress is named eliza hope bennett {we guessed kenzie! pretty close}.

fireworks in battersea park to celebrate guy fawkes day.

best night with these two!

in all honesty, these pictures don't do the trip justice. we had so much fun and did so many things it was just mental {my favorite british term}! and for an even better recap check jamie's post here.

take me back! truly counting down the days until i can make another visit. sending so much love. xoxo.

where in the world is...

i hope you can mind the gap in postings as of late. i'm currently on an adventure in the uk - a truly magical place! i'm having an absolute blast and i can't wait to tell you stories and learnings and all of the little things that are making this experience so special.

until then...sending love from across the pond.

*photo: london leaves - my iphone4.

now boarding united flight 930.

i sat down in 38h and this is what i said to myself.

i booked this trip on august 17th. it was a saturday evening and i was home at my parents house. i'm not sure why this detail is relevant to me, but it just seems important that that was the exact moment i decided to hit purchase. 

first and foremost i feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity. two conversations turned into two real ideas turned into two solid plans in two destinations.

traveling solo is a bit scary, yet freeing, wouldn't you agree? i don't know what i am about to encounter along the way, but i vow to have an open heart. to be kind. to accept how people treat me and to do my best to treat them kindly.

i vow not to get to nervous or let any travel anxiety take over my mind. i am alive. i am human. i am in this space. and i will occupy it. and be my best self. the self that is a joyous dancer who really isn't afraid of anything.

i hope to see a whole lot of new things. meet a whole lot of new people. to go home a happier, more well-rounded person. full of inspiration and ideas of what i want to come. what i want out of life. new perspectives that positively impact my life in san francisco. i've been craving some clarity lately. craving newness. craving something. a move. a change. well, i hope to find it here. and if i don't i'll come home knowing that that's okay too.

remember, life is beautiful. people are good. be open. soak it all in.

sincerely,
me