ode.

the long and the short of it all is i haven't been writing. i don't know where to start, and yet i don't know where to end. i can blame it on work and new york and exhaustion and oh-so-many things, but the truth is, i've been hiding. coasting. settling.

well, it's no way to live. one does not thrive with a quiet voice and a dim light.

it is me myself and only i who has to own and create space to be me. to shine. i am lost without the written word. the reflection. the creativity. the content. i feel absent and disconnected. and that is not sustainable.

all i know is that this space is important. it is a platform. one that deserves someone to stand tall and proud atop it's beautiful mountain of words. so it is here, a place where i will speak.

*photo from the one and only max.

particularly.

i walked my usual route to the bus stop this evening and something felt a little different than usual. no music. no phone calls. just the sound of my boots. click clack click clack. one foot in front of the other.

it's not a particularly scenic walk. in fact, there are parts that are downright sketchy, but something about it charmed me tonight. i found myself getting all nostalgic and thinking oh, i have to try that boba tea place on the corner where all of the cool asian teenagers hang out. 

it's a mishmash of characters, this walk. the artsy cigarette smokers lingering outside of vesuvio. the nomadic guitar player in the alley hoping for some spare change. the backpack-wearing tourists flowing in and out of city lights book store. the franchino himself sitting outside of his restaurant with his feather-adorned fedora and thick italian accent. the late night coffee-drinking lovers at café greco. the many many hostesses greeting every passing stranger: would you like to join us for dinner tonight?

anyhow, i stood on the corner of broadway and columbus and it just felt beautiful. i took in the moment. the tacky neon lights against the clear dusk-ridden sky felt more beautiful than they ever have before. and i felt particularly grateful. like i was really going to miss this place. miss this simple routine walk to washington square park in all it's vibrant and quirky glory. whether i realized it or not it'd become my walk home and very much apart of me.

and so i must ask, is there anything you feel that is apart of you?

*pictures all taken on the iphone5 and edited via picfx.

manifest.

all we talk about around here these days is moving and list-making. so it seems. yaaaawn! i am certain i can give you more. i need to.

it's twenty thirteen. wow. i kind of forgot to stop and think about that. like really think about it. i am too busy playing and planning instead of reflecting on this beautiful moment. twenty twelve was filled with goodness. there was some bad, of course, but you know a year has been good when you can look back at it and smile... tell it thank you for happening, and watch it slowly saunter into the distance. i hope all the years of my life are like this, remembered as good.

i read this post i wrote exactly one year ago and almost broke down into tears. all i can think of is that i did it. i lived how i wanted to live. and while we're all just works in progress, we're also manifesting our best selves.

i can't stop thinking about this word, manifesting. it came to me from an incredibly kind comment from an instagram friend on my big news post and quite frankly, i can't quite get it out of my head. it reads, love it! big congrats! manifesting your dreams :)

at first glance i thought, who me? and the more it sunk in, the more i believed it. yes, me. 

after reading this post by my sweet friend on her blog, i can't help but think manifest just might be my word for twenty thirteen.

m a n i f e s t.

make happen. live fully. embody. exude. be open. warmth. love. express. proclaim. show yourself to the world.

...all words and phrases i vow to remember this year. all while occupying a new space in completely new situations with entirely new people. ready, go!

may we all manifest our dreams this year, sweet peas.

*photo 1 | 2

on being brave.

everywhere i turn these days i continue to witness my dearest friends braving it out. seriously, whether it's moving or breakups or separations or new jobs or quitting jobs or death or injuries or new beginnings, i'm blown away how each and every one digs deep to channel their tallest selves to stand up to any tribulation. it's truly inspiring. i can't help but think of this saying...

you are only as good as the company you keep.

true that! let's keep the brave ones, shall we?

i've never pinned myself for being all that brave. small acts of bravery, yes, but big huge leaps, not exactly my forté.

but lately, i'm surprising myself {maybe it's all of this brave company or maybe i'm just a late bloomer}.

i think the best kind of bravery is the kind that sneaks up on you when you least expect it, allowing you to prove yourself wrong. the kind that makes you stop in your tracks and say to yourself, wow! i never knew i was capable.

life can be scary. sometimes we are not completely sure of ourselves {who am i kidding, most of the time we are not completely sure of ourselves!}, but we must roll up our sleeves, trust, and be daring. because usually when we listen to that voice coming from somewhere deep inside of us that says, i can do it, it's right.

*photo credit: lbo photos. an afternoon at treasure island staring back at our city by the bay.

essence.

truth be told, i've always been a vision board kind of gal. as i've grown up, collages would magically appear on the inside of pencil boxes, lockers, on the back of doors, and in journals. i find such calm and solace in the act of cutting and pasting from magazines into journals. snip! snip! paste. write a thought or goal or desire. and so it goes...

in the spirit of feeling like i've lost my way a little bit as of late, and wanting to gain some clarity about what is next, i spent much of this rainy weekend curled up in my apartment on the floor with scissors, a glue stick, pens, blank pages, and a stack of magazines.

i felt at peace and at ease. because as scary as the future might seem, there's something about compartmentalizing it into a journal full of images and words that really makes it all seem okay. i finished feeling inspired, hopeful, grounded, and ready for what is to come.

it's funny, as i looked back over my work and re-read goals made over the past seven years, i realized  that the core of who we are never really changes. isn't that fantastic? our essence is something we develop at a young age, which in my opinion is a true gift.

my weekend art project reminded me that it's all falling into place whether i am fully aware of it or not. while things might not happen exactly according to plan or right on schedule, and i seem to be taking some twists and turns along my path, it's all happening. every thing i've ever wanted, slowly but surely, is all happening.

then i realized that's the message of this blog. oh do you see it too? to know that the lives we strive for, the things we wish to fall into place, the people we want to be, it's all happening. all the time. whether we know it or not.

so, may our dreams become our reality. with each year that passes, may we continue to receive the things we've always wanted even if there are surprises along the way.

*pictures of my favorite journal given as a gift from this one with the inside covers already collaged. oh, you know me so well!

my oh my.

so i saw tristan prettyman perform live last night. you may have heard me mention her a time or two {or three or four! my gosh, i guess she's up there in my book!}.

...and then we met her! {i just love that sentence. i could say it over and over}. we kind of even became friends for a minute or two. like real-life chats. i even told her a snippet of this story.

long story short {even though short stories aren't my forté}, due to the wonderful world of social networks {á la instagram, twitter, facebook, and tumblr} i saw that she was in san francisco playing a "private event" at cafe du nord. and, do you know what i said to that, dolls? private schhhhmivate. we went. and the bouncer {who should absolutely be kept employed there} let two innocent girls not on said list right on in. man do i owe him.

turns out, it was a small gathering organized by her record label. translation: we had no business being there. but sometimes at the right moments in life, that universe is really just on your side.

she loved our crashing the party story so much so that we paused for an instagram pic. did you hear that? an instragram pic! {i mean... you know i think there is no better invention than instagram!} we even got some sweet comments.

tp and i, i feel like we would be pretty great pals. sometimes you just know. ya know? it kind of hit me that i have so many empowering, kickass, kind, good-hearted, fun, and grounded girlfriends surrounding me. tp would undoubtedly be one of them.

wow, this is so far up there on experiences i am grateful for. top ten, for sure. check out her new album - cedar & gold - coming out this fall. she just released her first song, my oh my. so good, sooo gooooood!

atta girl.

i have an awesome experience i need to get down on paper because sometimes storing it in the 'ol brain isn't enough. and, this warrants a note on the gratitude pad.

let me start by saying, i love my job {can you believe those words came out of my mouth!? i'm still pinching myself just to be sure, and being irrationally superstitious that once i admit it, the joy will vanish. no jinxing please, universe}.

a few months ago, a co-worker told me to start keeping an atta girl file. the kind where you keep all of your best work and biggest pat-on-the-back accomplishments. i loved this idea. well, i will add this program to my folder.

signature sounds is a tour through six music capitals across the u.s. - seattle, atlanta, nashville, new york, chicago, and la - all sponsored by t-mobile. the fabulous allison hagendorf could not be a more perfect host to portray the musical history of each city. i told her so when i got to meet and thank her in person! in all seriousness, she does a rockin' {no pun intended} job exploring the capitals from interviewing her musician friends and locals to attending open mic nights to popping in record stores to walking the streets to eating good food, she is just beyond cool. watch the videos! you'll love them. and learn a thing or two. i promise.

i strongly dislike tooting horns, but i helped build this program from the ground up... long nights, lots of brainstorming, and hashing out all the nitty gritty details. it feels so damn good to see it come to fruition and be a part of something great.

monday night i flew down to la for the big closing bash. fun. performed a great show!

grateful for surprise hotel room upgrades, meeting new friends, reconnecting with old and being part of such a wonderful experience. finally, let's not forget, bumping into sara barielles at the house of blues {you guys know she is basically my all time fave and she's made my daily gratitude list before}. i was completely starstruck and actually worked up enough courage to say god knows what to her {hopefully nothing too embarrassing!}.

p.s. have you heard fun. cover 'call me maybe'? it's so rad.
p.p.s. thank you for reading this terribly long post. i love you for it.