ode de mama.

a little note on mother's day.
___

every time i move into a new apartment you buy me a new tea kettle. it's the dearest thing. i don't know what it is, but somehow you get me all set up, decide to boil some hot water, and find that the whistle is broken. god forbid i burn the house down.

in fifth grade i was afraid to go to school because i thought you were going to die while i was there. remember that? {oh, kids, where do they come up with this stuff?}. i hated going away to sleepovers because i couldn't bare not sleeping down the hall from you. i believe they call that separation anxiety at it's very finest, a textbook case if you will.

now, ironically enough, i'm three thousand miles away from you, and oh how i miss you so. 

somehow, i think the distance saved us, ya know? you know me better than anyone else in the world, and this new chapter is helping us to get each other for once and for all. i've truly lost track of where we veered off course and frankly, it doesn't matter because we're finding our way back again. no matter where i go or what i do, i need you more than any other person on the planet. do you know that? despite any negative exchanges between us, it all comes down to one thing. love. you love me more than anything, this i know for sure. somehow i know that every single ounce of energy you've ever given me - positive or negative - is because you created me and you care about me more than i know how to care for another human being. someday i'll learn.

you are passionate and talented. more talented than you could ever possibly know. can you make me a promise? create more. make those topiary trees you were always so good at. redecorate a room or two. get a dog to cuddle with. turn on billy joel and dance in the family room - glass of wine in hand. share your goodness with the world, you have so much to offer. you are one of those unique people who is gorgeous both inside and out.

happy mother's day. thank you for giving me life. and thank you for being one of my biggest fans. motherhood sometimes feels like a one-way street, huh? a give give give while the other takes takes takes. well, i vow to start driving down this newly created two-way street. fresh black pavement, yellow dividers, and all.

let's start now.

hi, mom. how was your day?

i love you.
geans
___

to all the moms out there, i wish you a day of recognition and goodness.

*photo taken on irving street, nyc. easter 2013.

secrets and confessions.

can i tell you a secret?

why, yes, of course. it's what i seem to do best here, share secrets.

two of the things i absolutely want to do now that i live in new york {wow, that statement seems surreal}: write and dance.

actually, the secret really is that it just might subconsciously be part of the reason i moved to new york in the first place. to pursue writing and dancing and for my life to come full circle. while these are two hobbies one can pursue anywhere, somehow they feel very real in this city of possibility.

i had a best in town this weekend, and as i sat across the table from her discussing our own happenings in our very different phases of life, it dawned on me that the most spectacular part of mine at the moment is that i have no idea how it will turn out. and something about that fact excited me, and made me want to sit back and be a spectator as the adventure unfolds. life is an adventure if we make it one, now isn't it?

i currently have several tabs open in my browser, all of which are derived from google searches and my two secrets: grad programs for writing, editing, publishing, & journalism and best jazz dance class in nyc. 

oh and one other thing, i had three - count it, three - dreams about being in love this week. just sayin'.

and also, i really want a dog.

*photos on my be free pin board here & here.

homesick hour.

i can confidently say that i moved to the gem of all neighborhood gems in nyc. irving street is a storybook street if i ever did see one, and i am grateful to be able to make it part of my daily routine. one of the most sacred parts of my day is the quiet sidewalks at dawn en route to equinox. and then again late at night on my way home looking north to see the chrysler building lit up in all of its art deco glory.

the tulips are blooming around these parts and same with the blossoms on the trees. spring, is that you? the weather is slowly but surely catching up and there certainly is something in the air. oh, new york spring, i'm excited to meet you. you sure are doing something right, because if this was california, the daffodils would have come and gone just in the month of february.

just wanted to share a few photos with you on this sunny saturday morning, yet to rise from under the covers. i find this particular time of the week to be prime homesick hour. these moments of stillness with nowhere to be. but today... today is okay. it must mean this place is starting to feel like home. i'm learning that we all have the ability to create our own homes, no matter where they are in the universe. all we need are a few keepsakes, a cozy bed, and a place to be happy to walk outside and explore. which is exactly what i'm going to do.

happy weekend everyone! 

xoxo, g

meaning.

oh hey, it's me. the author of this blog. do you remember? i wouldn't blame you if you forgot.

finding the time to write is just about the hardest thing to do these days. i want it to be easy. oh, please be easy. i'll get there, i promise. it dawned on me this past week that writing down anything in this space gives my life meaning. so, i miss it. i miss finding the meaning of why i'm here. why i show up every day.

so here i am. selfishly writing to you to find some meaning. this weekend was a good one. can i tell you my favorite things?

i got my hair back to it's much preferred shade of blonde.
i caught up on the phone and facetime with so many loves {so many!} and it felt so good.
i found out that two of my favorite people {after eight lovely years} got engaged. yay!
i saw some people i've been wanting to see.
i slept on fresh new sheets.
i walked central park with an old friend, and then kept walking the long looooong way home.
i stopped into the new york public library.
i got a library card.
i checked out a dvd {new york, i love you if you were wondering}.
i sat in bryant park.
i drank fresh squeezed juice {mostly ginger, carrot, apple, and kale. again, if you happened to be wondering}.
i bought a much needed gym bag and, more importantly, it was my first lululemon purchase in over two years {now that's willpower!}.
i discovered a raw, vegan, gluten-free, organic hole-in-the-wall café a mere two blocks from my pad {like the perfect combination of natural cafe and the plant. and if you know me well enough you'll know it doesn't get much better than that}.
i also discovered a place for high tea... steps from my apartment {another hidden gem in the neighborhood}.
i did a candlelight yoga class.
i made quinoa.

and that, my friends, is my meaning.

so, find the little things that give your life meaning. and remember them, for all that they are worth.

ps. some ny public library photos

hey, it's ok.

you know that feature in glamour magazine called it's ok...? {oh, look, there's even a pinterest board dedicated to it. follow board. check.} well anyway, it's one of my all time fave monthly articles and i think of it often when i walk that fine line of an action being ok.

so, yesterday, i crossed it. and it's time to document.

hey, it's ok...

to be at a vip work dinner and see a j.crew item you just have to have from across the table and secretly whip out your phone to order it right then and there. 

always a sucker for x's and o's. thanks, j.crew! you know, your mobile experience could use a teensy bit of work. i'll a/b test for you. xoxo.

so tell me, what are your hey it's okay moments...?

snowflakes.

i've been hanging out by myself a lot lately. is that weird? for some reason it feels right for now, mostly while i get my bearings and kind of catch my breath after all of this change.

amidst the solo time, i watch felicity. it's usually on in the background while i put things away, hammer nails into the wall, and write a card or two. it's oddly comforting, and reminds me of college and how different i was when i watched it the first time around. however, the lessons still ring true. the ones about independence and dealing with whatever life throws your way.

i can't help but feel a bit like felicity as she navigates new york, and a new life chapter. there was a quote that rang oh so true about this city that i have to share, especially in light of alone time and our lovely it's-almost-spring-snow-fall this past weekend.

first of all, new york is the best.

thank god i decided to stay here.

at first it was sort of scary,

even walking down the sidewalk,

it was like being one snowflake in a crazy blizzard.

but then it occurred to me...

everyone is a snowflake.

and that is truly the most unique thing about this place. we are all leading our own separate, self-important lives, and yet we are all connected by our independence.

you might be thinking to yourself, is this a blog only about moving to new york? well, i guess right now it is, huh?

ps. have i ever told you if i wasn't blonde, i'd want to be a redhead?

it gives and it takes.

i had my first good cry today. two of them actually.

and, to be honest, it was about damn time.

i have yet to shed a tear in this whole transition, so today seemed like as good a day as any. what really spurred it was a rough morning and then a surprise visit from an old san francisco co-worker who gave me a hug. and not just any hug, a real one. he somehow became very dear to my heart throughout my almost two years at three three three bush. mostly because of long chats about life and love. the best kind.

i got nostalgic for those days today. they seemed easier.

this particular friend - a born and raised new yorker himself - offered me some very good advice upon moving.

remember, gina, the thing about new york is that it gives and it takes. just don't let it take too much.

so that's where i am at. today it took a little too much. tomorrow, who knows.

*quote found over here.

goodnight, you.

i don’t have blinds yet.

as a result, i find myself staring out the window a lot. i know it's only been three days, but each night i sit in silence for what seems like hours, and just gaze. and think.

the most amazingly fascinating thing about being on the fourteenth floor is that there is a lot to look at. windows, oh-so-many illuminated windows and stories behind them. i see tv’s flickering. oh, the knicks game is on in that one over there. and there’s a woman holding her cat a couple floors down. what are those twinkling lights on the rooftop over there? look at that decorative star blowing in the wind. wow, that room over there has great wall art. i wonder why that guy just went out on his balcony... he must be freezing!

all thoughts that pass through my consciousness. 

gazing off into the distance reminds me that our lives are different, and yet inherently the same. lives filled with conventional things like pets and tv and floor lamps.

something about this nightly routine is peaceful, calming even. high in the sky i watch. and observe. and take it all in.

my favorite part is actually the flight path i discovered. i’m not sure if it's jfk or la guardia or somewhere else, but every few minutes another plane soars by, on the same path as the one before it, preparing to land. i love the monotonous routine of it all. it feels right. and oh-so-very comforting.

we take off. we land. we wake up. we go to bed.

they say new york is the city that never sleeps, but slowly… slowly… the apartment lights start to turn off one by one.

time for bed.

let’s wake up tomorrow grateful for another day.