you can have manhattan.

when i decided to move back to california i had to break my lease and take all of these very official steps to do so, one of which was mailing a certified letter of resignation signed and notarized to my management company.

'notarized.' 

this was a new one for me {one of the many things i have new york to thank}.

it means to certify a document and prove that it's really coming from you. one must visit a public notary to do so. to become one of these said notaries you have to take an oath {an oath!} and a written exam and bam! the secretary of state says you're in. you even get a very official and fancy embosser to stamp your highly certified documents with. i digress. this is not the point of the story.

so i find a public notary at a ups store just around the corner from my office. i have my letter printed, my certified check in hand {for so much money i can barely stomach it}, and i can't bring myself to go inside. is this it? am i really doing this? am i sure? do i push through another seven months? it's a disgustingly hot and humid day in june which isn't helping me think with a clear head.

now, i'm a believer in signs from the universe. a big believer. but they only come every so often and definitely not when you're looking for them.

earlier that day i was texting one of my dear little chickadees during her move back to the west coast. naturally, with any big life transition comes doubt and fear, so i texted her the lyrics to my favorite song of the moment by one of my all-time favorite artists as a little reminder to trust herself.

sara barielles, 'manhattan' goes something like this:

'you can have manhattan

i'll settle for the beach

sunsets facing westward

sand beneath my feet'

so here i am on lafayette street fretting and trying to just breathe through the anxiety and the humidity, and, you guys!, out walks sara barielles.

i can't help but feel like we're some kind of kindred spirits. she's from northern california. i'm from northern california. she moved to new york in the winter of 2013. i moved to new york in the winter of 2013.

she said: 'i always swore i would never live in new york. i always felt so overwhelmed here. it's ironic, the thing you think you don't need is the thing you actually need most.'

that's what i think too.

so that was all it took, really. to be reminded that i wanted it. that my grand plans for my next city are real and valid and deserved. it was a sign from the universe that i was doing the right thing.

into the ups store i went.

and i didn't look back.

*** 
sara barielles quote found in a billboard article and here's a great interview with her too. 
p.s. remember that one time we met?