instruments of peace.

between you and me {sorry mom!} i haven't been to church since last easter. in the past i talked a lot about yoga serving as my religion, but we all know how less frequent the chanting sessions have been these days. so, it feels like i need a little bit of inspiration, a reminder that it's bigger than you to bring me back to a place of peace.

last weekend during a jog on a perfectly sunny santa barbara morning {just a quick california trip!} i stumbled upon this gem on the side of a stone wall that lined a monastery. i stood there reading it over and over.

i prayed for us all to be instruments of peace.

and so, i hope this is one you'll file away. bookmark it and read it in moments of any everyday frustration, in 'hatred, injury, doubt, despair, darkness, and sadness.' and let it allow you to channel 'love, pardon, faith, hope, light, and joy.' because those are the things that make this life worth living.

i am so grateful i took that running route by chance, and for that moment standing in the sunshine on the corner just before turning toward the mission to take in the view.

namaste, my friends! peace peace.

stoop sessions.

read this post as if we're sitting on a stoop. life chats feel like they should happen there, right?

i haven't felt like writing much lately. gah! {i am so embarrassed to admit it}.

my one year anniversary of living in this great big city happened this week. february second to be exact. one year! i'm not going to get all cliché on you guys and say that it flew by {even though they always do, don't they?}.

with this milestone comes a few choices to be made, like do i sign another one year lease? i don't want my path to be dictated by my lease, but it is a realistic factor. over the past year, there were times when i thought i couldn't stay any longer. but there were also times i was so in love with this place i never wanted to leave. and so, although i don't listen to the clash, the should i stay or should i go? lyric is on repeat in my head.

i'm not ready to leave. not yet. but i'm also not ready to commit to staying a whole year. i know i know what you're thinking, wasn't your twenty fourteen mantra 'settle in?' it sure was.

writing this, i think i need to follow the pursuit of this blog, to embrace it happening. i've got one year under my belt. i'm tougher, really. i've found a beautiful group of people. yes, things could be better. but they always can be. and right now, there's nowhere else i feel like i should be. yes, i get entranced by the west coast sunshine {thank you for those #nofilter's, instagram friends}. yes i get envious of backyards and spacious homes and no lines at trader joes. but maybe it's not time for that yet. i want it, but it also doesn't feel like it's naturally happening just yet. so until it feels natural, this is where i'll be.

in the spirit of making decisions, i was inspired by a dear friend to make a priority list. it goes something like this, written in an unfiltered way, and a very specific order.

///

one. get more sleep.

two. find time everyday to move, exercise, and get endorphins to feel good about myself.

three. ingest healthy food to sustain me.

four. be more open to meeting a guy by not being afraid to make connections no matter where i am.

five. be a good human - friend, sister, daughter, mentor - send cards, listen, be thoughtful.

six. take a little more time for myself - turn off the email, and make a conscious effort to separate work from life {this means take a true vacation soon!}.

seven. continue to excel at my job and be a sponge - learn all that i can and contribute to the greater good of aol.

eight. in the way back of my head, start slowly but surely crafting the next endeavor in my life while still honoring the phase that i'm in now.
///

...you know what they say, put it out there in the universe. no shame! ask and you shall receive. this next year is going to be about finding balance in this place. and being open to it all. no looking forward. no looking back. just being present.

i hope this inspires you to do the same. see you on the stoop soon for more life chats, my friends!

*photos via my iphone - taken in gramercy park, nyc.

riveting.

read more should have been one of my new years resolutions because i'm really taking that goal by the reigns. currently reading {instead of writing, clearly} the goldfinch by donna tart. i'm sure you've heard the buzz by now. the best part is that it's set in new york so i can actually envision the places the author is describing. i'm only on page one eleven and it's absolutely riveting. i love that word, don't you? i mean, how often are you riveted these days? i'm going to use it every chance i get when asked about this book.

seven hundred and seventy one thin pages long with tiny font means i'll be at this one for a while. join me, won't you? we can discuss! happy reading. and for the record, i miss you.

zzz.

these past few weeks i've had a really hard time sleeping, and, coming from an... i'd say, better than average sleeper, it's becoming quite annoying. it seems like as soon as my head hits the pillow my mind starts racing and floods with all things {mostly} work related. is it just me? or is anyone else out there having this issue too?

i rehash the day in my head, overanalyze the conversations, criticize myself for making mistakes, and anticipate the future. i also think about what a bad friend i am for not responding to an email, not checking in with that special person, regretting my purchase of a one-month stint at online dating {talk about your mind being your own worst enemy, well these are the hours that enemy comes out to play}. i'm filled with worry and fret and it all happens during the hours i so desperately need to be recharging and rebooting with some perfectly blissful sleep.

and since, historically, i've been such a good sleeper, i can only attribute this to stress and anxiety.

i remember when i was little, my dad had major sleep problems. it was when he ran his own business over a span of fifteen years. i recently asked him about this phase of his life and i finally put two and two together. running your own company is hard work, and maybe work-stress-induced loss of sleep runs in the family.

anyhow, i long for the days of head hit the pillow and that's a wrap. i hope they come back soon because, well, we're not saving lives over here. i think this is just a phase and it will all calm down and go back to normal soon otherwise i just might be choosing that easy living life path a lot sooner than i thought. but, i'm not ready for that yet, so until then i'm praying. and counting sheep. and focusing on bed time routines. and instilling a no technology after ten pm policy. and feeling grateful for this cozy bed. breathe in. breathe out. goodnight, my stars.

*photo via. 

on soulmates.

there's quite a bit of controversy around the word soulmate, and after lots of pondering, i think i can loosely {and slightly interchangeably, of course} categorize them into three groups, all with the common theme that a soulmate understands you on a soul level like nobody else does. there's the...

romantic soulmate: the life partner

kindred spirit soulmate: the soul sister/brother

best friend soulmate: the guardian angel

when it comes to romantic soulmates, i don't know if i believe in the cliché that there is really only one person in this universe made for us. i think with over seven billion people on the planet, the chances are that we are bound to have a couple of them.

but then i started reading the soulmate secret by arielle ford and the way in which she defines a soulmate got me right at my core. i realized that it doesn't matter if there is only one person for us, or multiple, it just matters that you find it. out came the mechanical pencil to underline the words and make notes in the margins. now this, i thought to myself, is something that's going to be read at my someday wedding.

if i close my eyes, i can see it now... a day in late summer. the sky is blue. the air is fresh, with a light breeze. the sun glistens its late afternoon rays. there's beautiful, tall trees and green grass, and lots of people staring. but, i'm gazing into my soulmate's eyes, and i hear these words...

in the movie shall we dance? starring richard gere and susan sarandon, there is a terrific scene where sarandon's character is describing why she loves being married to her soulmate. she says, "we need a witness to our lives. there are a billion people on the planet... i mean, what does one life really mean? but in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything - the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things - all of it, all the time, every day. you're saying, 'your life will not go unnoticed because i will notice it. your life will not go unwitnessed because i will be your witness.'"

it got me thinking about the cycle of life and funnily enough, my parents. they are still my witnesses, but someday i'm going to need to find one of my very own. because they can only fulfill this role for so long until i will need to experience a soulmate in my own way, and like my parents are doing for me, do the same for my children until they find theirs.

so, anyways, you guys. big epiphanies around these parts! thank you for listening. here's to finding our witnesses.

p.s. it's weddings galore in twenty fourteen. i have so many kindred spirit / best friend soulmates who've met their romantic soulmates, and i'm just so so beyond lucky to be a part of their special days.

*photo via cupcakes and cashmere {my absolute dream of a venue}. someday!

settle in.

mid run uphill last week, i thought of my twenty fourteen word. two words, actually. they are settle in. last year my word was manifest, and well, this year is all about actually residing in this life that i've created. to settle in it.

i'm not going to lie to you, new york has been a bit of a love-hate. there were moments when i thought i couldn't possibly last a whole year. on the toughest of days when i felt worked to the bone, i found myself fantasizing about driving across country, starting my own business, and living by the beach. all of which might happen someday, just not yet.

i am whole-heartedly determined to be happy with exactly where i am. and i mean that with every single cell of my being. i'm making this the mission of my life - to honor it, exactly as it is. i think it is absolutely okay to want new and different things. to evolve to the next phase of life. to remain curious. to figure out what isn't working, and change it. to learn what makes you happiest and go for it. to move toward accomplishing what you want. but, once you actually get what you want, remember to relish in it. to treat it with care. to hug and squeeze it everyday. because it's only a matter of time until it's gone.

that's what moving to new york in twenty thirteen taught me. it hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it. and it's time to settle in and stay for a while because this life is all just temporary.

in the spirit of resolutions, i wrote up a few simple things that i want to keep in mind this year. here goes...
do more pilates. lift more weights. reach my goal weight {that i've been so close to for so long now}. fall in love. go on more dates. make a smoothie a day. work a little less, play a little more. oh, and stress less, it's only work. send a few more cards. work on the blog. take time to read blogs. treat my parents with care. call my sister. do feet-up-the-wall pose for two minutes a day {reverse that gravity!}. take a writing class. do more jazz. learn photoshop {once and for all}. dabble in calligraphy. make sleep a priority. go on an exotic vacation. be friendly. make connections with strangers.

...and of course, settle in. get cozy. stay a while. for how much longer, who knows? i do know i will be grateful for and embrace where i am now. the future will unfold exactly as it should.

though posts were a bit few and far between in twenty thirteen, i want to thank you for still stopping by. your loyalty means the world to me. this year i wish for you to relish in the present moment. to gather all the pieces of your life that make it unique and hold them close to your heart. love those pieces. they make you the beautiful person that you are.

*photos found here, here {harry winston}, and here {love you, glitter guide}.