meg ryan moments.

i found myself in a food emporium in the middle of korea town late one thursday night upon moving to new york. it was valentine's day and i was there purely for the frozen yogurt. because of all days to treat yourself, valentine's day is the one. extra rainbow sprinkles, please.

i strangely felt very in my element, even in this anonymous state. just hours before, i'd fit in my very first post-work yoga class, popped in for an essie-head-over-heels-red-manicure, grabbed a salad at my favorite vegetarian place, and had a long walk home gabbing with some west coast lovers. and then there i was, all by myself, soaking in this strange scene at the food court. the girl next to me slurped the biggest bowl of soup i've ever seen. the elderly man at the table across the way held his newspaper mere centimeters from his face struggling to make out the text. the couple to my right decided to eat dessert first as they scraped the bottom of their frozen yogurt container clean, and their mound of fried rice appeared.

it was completely and utterly random, and for some reason i was happy. there i was, not a soul in sight who had any idea who i was, nor i who they were. and i realized that's the crazy, beautiful thing about new york. you can be whoever you want. at anytime. on any day. anywhere. and before you know it you're asking yourself, how'd i get here again? so on this particular night i did the next best unpredictable thing i could think to do... have myself a meg ryan moment and head to the top of the empire state building. 

***

welcome to the empire state building said the man with a cheeky smile dressed from head to toe in an ancient shade of burgundyish red, hat and all. these uniformed gentlemen take their jobs very seriously as they usher tourists from one line to the next, in this elevator here, but don't touch any buttons, it's all automatic! i liked everything about these men. especially the one who said, now that's a valentine's day smile. 

so i stood there in my hot pink beanie amongst couples on their way home from a romantic date-night, and a few tourists, and i waited my turn. all the while replaying the end scene of sleepless in seattle in my head thinking, there is no way annie waited in this line, meandering through the ropes like a maze at disneyland. she pushed her way right to the top. oh, what scene would i cause to cut to the front of the line? i thought to myself. umm hello people! the love of my life is at the top! i have to get up there! i mean it was valentine's day after all. a girl can pretend.

turns out, it's really really cold at the top. i did a few laps. took a zillion pictures. didn't take the deep breathe i wanted to take staring off into the distance while soaking in the scene. but, i was still so grateful to be doing this thing i've been wanting to do my whole life all on my very own. it kind of symbolized my entire new york adventure. baby steps do lead to bravery. 

i can't help but relate the feeling to a line from one of my favorite weepies songs, can't go back now...

i can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else

but in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones that you take all by yourself

so, here's to taking steps all on our own.

as i made my way back down, i thought... you know what, new york is the best valentine i could possibly ask for this year. just me and you, babe.