Monday, April 25, 2011

so i've been thinking about fears upon starting my new book.

i found one in me yesterday. one of many, i'm sure. but i'd like to verbalize this particular one so i can face it head on and get on with it already. or crush it up into dust in my heart of gold and release it into my aura. as per the healer. {but that's a different story for a different day. i promise i'll share it with you when i'm ready}.

so here's the deal.
when i meet new people in places that are out of my comfort zone i get scared. nervous, really. and, i think overall i'm a very friendly person.

bubbly, out-going, jovial. all adjectives i strive to be.

however, there's this "place" in me that gets nervous. i fear the potential awkward energy that may exist if i say the wrong thing to a new person. what if we have nothing in common? what if we don't connect?

a particular incident happened in rusty's class monday night. in the lingering minutes prior to the drumming and the chanting exists the perfect opportunity to say hi to someone near you. remember, sherry?

well, sometimes it's hard to be vulnerable.

i recently watched a seminar on vulnerability from the ted conference by a researcher named brene brown.

if you have a moment, i'd watch.

i love what she says about connection.

"connection is why we're here. it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. in order for connection to happen, we have to let ourselves be seen. really seen."

isn't that powerful? which completely plays into my fear. it's okay to go out on a limb and be open to making a connection with someone. although that state of vulnerability can be intimidating, we're all put on this earth with the equal ability to bond with one another. rusty usually ends his class with this message.

we are all equal no matter what anyone tells you.

i'd love to summarize brene's point here, because it is so right on.

"the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging."

i think this is one of life's greatest challenges. to find our own self worth.

she iterates that sometimes our "fear that we are not worthy of connection" comes into play. in turn, we must all strive to be whole-hearted. i love this term.

here's how the whole-hearted live...

they have courage. the definition of which is derived from the latin word cour or heart and means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. whole-hearted beings have the courage to be imperfect.

they have compassion. the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others because as it turns out we can't practice compassion for other people if we cannot treat our own selves kindly.

and finally, they have connection as a result of authenticity. they are willing to let go of who they think they should be and be who they are. authenticity is completely necessary in order to have deep connection.

i think this is the biggest lesson we learn in our twenties.

she continues, the whole-hearted fully embrace vulnerability and believe that it makes us beautiful.

i love her closing remarks.

we must let ourselves be seen. deeply seen. vulnerably seen.
to love with our whole hearts even though there's no guarantee.
to practice gratitude and joy in moments of terror. to stop and just say "i'm so grateful because to feel this vulnerable means i'm alive."
to believe that we are enough.

with these lessons, i know my fear is conquerable. on a daily basis i'm striving to live an authentic, whole-hearted, and vulnerable life because i am enough.

may you believe in your own worth.


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